So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
