Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
