if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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