Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
