that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
there is puke in my bra ... again
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
