woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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