ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
