Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
