Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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