Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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