Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
