ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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