I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I am one with the molecules
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
