i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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