Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I think my moral compass just broke
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