saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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