Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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