why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
3pm strippers are depressing
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
