You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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