for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
