I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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