We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
