you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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