my phone needs a breathalizer
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
