You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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