I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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