I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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