He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
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i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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