i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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