i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You may now shotgun with the bride
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
