1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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