I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
