The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
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Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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