Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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