i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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