we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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