I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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