oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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