I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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