Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
