I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
