she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
