2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
