Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
