There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
