as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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