I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
