Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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