my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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