He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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