I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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