life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
