Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
