her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Randomize
