I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
