you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Shame - the story of my life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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