Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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