I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
