I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
