I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
