Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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