I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
