from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
