i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
