dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
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I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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