But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
