My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
