judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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