fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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