It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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