New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
