She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Randomize
