Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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