he shaved USA in his pubs
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
