don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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