I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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