you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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